One year later...

Well, yesterday was a special day. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Sadie's brain tumor diagnosis. I have such conflicting emotions tied to that day and for the last year for that matter.

As soon as we heard Sadie had been admitted to Primary Children's Hospital, we raced right up. Little did we know that she and her family would begin the battle that only few are called to fight. Zac and I have always been close and I so felt helpless as I watched him feel helpless to protect his little family from that monster that is cancer. How my heart hurt for my sweet sister in law; she has dealt with cancer taking more of her loved ones than anyone I know. And she does so with such grace and humility. What a horrible nightmare to receive the news that this tumor was inoperable and terminal. My sweet Sadie. My sweet, brave Sadie.

We, along with everyone else, spent a good majority of the next several weeks in tears as Zac and T tried to find answers to their questions. Tests were run. Treatments were discussed. And the love began to flow. I was humbled at the concern and eagerness to help as people I love learned about her diagnosis. Folks who didn't even know Sadie jumped at the opportunity to help grant her 3 wishes, brought gifts for the girls, and, most importantly, offered prayers of support. We were able to participate in fund raising efforts on her behalf and never have I been so touched by the outpouring of love.

It has been difficult to watch her deteriorate over the last months. She has had times where she is almost back to her pre-cancer self. Her giggle has not changed...that can bring a smile to any face. Her sweet, giving, teasing disposition has not changed. She is, and always will be, that beautiful little Princess. That smile. Wow.

Watching Jackson with Sadie has been a sweet blessing. He has always talked about marrying Sadie when they grow up. In his short 6 years, he has seen the passing of several people that he loves dearly. I struggled for months trying to figure out how to break the news. He has been disappointed that Sadie hasn't been able to play with him like she could a year ago. She hasn't been able to run around and play, but still his gentleness with her has been inspiring. He loves his cousin and I think she loves him right back. Jackson cried more than a few times after we explained the severity of her condition. He knows that we need to spend all the time we can with her since our time with her is extra special. What a great kid!

I will forever treasure the experiences that have come out of this struggle. My admiration and respect for Zac and T has and will continue to deepen. My love for my nieces runs deep. My gratitude for loving strangers who have helped lighten their family's load will always remind me of the innate goodness in people. My testimony of the eternal nature of family and the loving hand of a Father in Heaven has been strengthened. The peace that comes from the Gospel of Jesus Christ has sustained us all through this trying time. My appreciation and devotion to my family has grown immesurably and I will always treasure the hugs, the smiles, and the I love yous.

As this milestone passes, I am amazed at the goodness of God. I know there is great wisdom in His plan, especially during those times when we can not surmise the purpose of our condition.

Here's to another year of treasured moments. I'll continue to try to not let them pass by.

We love you Sadie!!!